


Wolf

by Niall_Princess_Horan



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson-centric, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Niall-centric, Sad Louis, Sad Niall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-09 08:51:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12273021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niall_Princess_Horan/pseuds/Niall_Princess_Horan
Summary: Louis is happy with his best friend's as his 'siblings'. He doesn't want his sperm donors brat.P.S. you can follow me on Twitter @meganls11But my names Riley :/





	1. Chapter 1

Louis pov

"I don't WANT siblings or a dad Harrold. I'm a lone wolf" I bite back. 

He's being going on about this for months. He has his sister gemma. Zayn has three little sisters. Liam has two older sisters. I'm an only child. But I don't feel neglected or let down. I'm happy on my own. I get more Christmas presents. I get the big bedroom to myself. I don't have to argue with anyone over the remote or fight for the bathroom first thing on a morning.

"But aren't you lonely?" Harry frowns.  
"No. I'm not actually. I'm great. Besides I have you Payno and Malik. You're the only siblings I need" I grin and loop my arm over his shoulder as we head to maths.

The rest of the school day is the same. Go to maths, pretend to learn. Go to science, copy harrys homework for English. Go to english, hand in my homework for a change and suprise everyone in the room.

After english we get to go home which is much needed. I'm exhausted.

"Coming to mine for a bit?" I ask harry as we head out of the school gates.  
"Sure. I want a pastry from that bakery on the way" Harry grins  
"You don't even want me. You just want the bakery near my house" I accuse him.  
"So what?" He laughs.

I check there are no cars coming and push him lightly so he falls off the curb onto the road. He just laughs and jogs a little to catch up to me.

"Emily, hey how are you today?" Harry smiles at one of the bakery workers. She never smiles. She's a moody cow to be honest.  
"Come on Emily, give him a smile or I'll never hear the end of it" I joke. She does. She smiles and laughs as she gets him his pastry. It's a genuine smile as well. Not a false one.

"You're the only person who can make her smile. Or laugh. Or do anything other than glare at people"  
"It's a gift" i joke as we leave and head to my house.

"Hey mam" I say as I enter the door. I give her a cuddle and make her and myself a cup of tea, harry helps himself to the apple juice.

"Hey lou, How was school?" She smiles at me from the clothes she is designing.  
"Shit. I didn't get a detention today though" I smile.  
"Good God that's serious- are you ill?" She jokes and rests the back of her hand on my forehead.  
"He must be" Harry laughs.  
"Hey!" I protest. It falls on deaf ears as they're both laughing too much to listen to me.

\---  
The rest of the week is pretty much the same. Harry comes to my house again Tuesday. We all go to liams Wednesday  
 Thursday we all have football practice . Friday we all crash at zayns. We stay over and eat pizza and play on the xbox which is fun. Liam falls asleep first as usual. Then zayn follows not far behind. Harry and I drift off around the same time after a 3am popcorn war.

The next morning I wake up with harrys head on my stomache. Liams legs over my legs and zayns arm over my face.

"Move" I grumble and push zayn off me. I then detangle my legs from liams and lay harry on a pillow, all so I can go for a piss!

I get back in bed after relieving my bladder and washing my hands. As soon as I lay down harry lays his head back on me- but on my chest this time. Liam throws a leg over mine and zayns upper body is laid over my crotch, with his head very low on my stomache.

"Unbelievable" I mutter.  
"Shhh" liam whispers.  
"Pillows don't talk" Harry yawns.  
"I'm not a pillow" I grunt.  
"Soft pillow" Zayn mutters incoherently.  
I just sigh and let sleep take over.  
___

"You lot crashing here tonight?" I ask as we're having a mini football match in my back garden.  
"Yeah" Harry grins.  
"I knew you would be" I joke and roll my eyes.  
"Yeah I am too" liam smiles kicking the ball to me.  
"Zayn?" I ask, kicking the ball to him, regardless of harrys protest of 'hey!'.  
"Obviously" he laughs.

"Louis?" My mum shouts as she stands in the doorway of the kitchen door.  
"Yeh?" I shout.  
"Come here for a minute please" she sighs.  
I roll my eyes but go inside the house. I notice the boys 'playing football' but edging their way closer until they're almost in the kitchen with me.

"What's up?"  
"Louis- your dad-"  
"-The sperm donor" I snap.

He's no dad of mine. A dad is there for you. Helps raise you. Contributes to your financial upbringing. Helps you with you homework. Goes to your football matches. Takes you to air hockey games. Is actually there. I haven't seen the sperm donor in 10 years. And I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.

"Louis- he was in an accident" my mum sighs.  
"Good. He can be dead for all I care" I grunt.  
"Lou-" Harry whispers.  
"Louis Tomlinson!" my mum snaps.

"What? Don't pretend you like him. He broke your heart and beat you black and blue. Don't think I don't know. Don't think I didn't hear you crying your self to sleep every night after he left for the pub again"

"How long have you known?" My mum gasps.  
"Since I was four years old and I was hiding under my duvet from the screaming matches" I reply.  
"I tried to protect you lou" my mum sighs, the first tear falling down her cheek.

"I know mum. I know, come on don't cry over him" I whisper as I wipe her tears and pull her into a hug. "It's okay. I don't blame you mum. I love you- come on don't cry" I soothe.

"I love you lou" mum whispers.  
"I know. I don't blame you for any of this. I just don't want to know about him, okay? He's dead to me"  
"He- he is actually dead. He died in a house fire"  
"Really?" Frown.  
"Yeah. He was drunk and the cigarette he was smoking set the carpet in fire. Everything else caught fire after that"

"Well serves him right" I grunt.  
"Lou there was someone else in the house"  
"His new girlfriend probably. I mean I hope she's alright I guess but if not I'm not gona cry over it"

"It was a young boy. He's your little brother louis"

I clench my jaw and close my eyes. Of course he had more fucking kids he couldn't look after and didn't want. 

"I wanted nothing to do with the sperm donor when we left and I want nothing to do with him now. Including this brat of his" I snap.

"Louis he has no one else. You're the only family he has, if we don't take him he'll be put into care"

"Good. Send him express delivery" I mutter as I head out of the kitchen towards my room.  
"Louis he's your brother-"

"-He is no brother of mine!!" I snap


	2. Chapter 2

Louis pov

"Gaarahhhh!" I scream as I slam my door. I'm not usually aggressive but this is what the sperm donor does to me. I makes me angry. He makes me want to hurt someone. He makes me want to punch holes in the wall. He makes me feel like I'm not in control. But he makes me feel like I have to be in control. Of everything. At all times.

"Lou?" I hear harry mumble through the door as he taps lightly with his knuckle.  
"Yeah harry?" I sigh as I pull at my hair in frustration.  
He doesn't reply but opens the door and pulls me into his chest. One of his hands is around my waist and the other is holding my head to his chest. His breathing is relaxing me. Hearing the sealy thump of his heart is soothing. He doesn't say anything. Doesn't tell me I'm selfish. Or cruel. Or acting like a spoilt brat. But somehow I feel him talking to me. I feel him telling me it's okay. I feel him telling me he'll stand by me which ever decision I make. I feel him tell me it doesn't make me a bad person if I decide not to let him stay.

"What if he's like him?" I sigh.  
"What if he isn't? What if he's like you but didn't have a mum to take him away from that" Harry murmurs.

I look up at him with a frown. I hadn't thought of that. The fact he could be like me. He could be normal. Not take after a raging alcoholic with a desire to beat the people he 'loves' black and blue.

Then there's the fact he's not even my mum's. And she's still okay for him to stay? What if she's only saying that because she thinks it's what I want? What if she doesn't want another trace of the sperm donor in the house?

"Your mum meant it. She's happy for him to stay if it's what you want" Harry whispers.  
"Are you a mind reader?" I scoff.  
"No, just just think out loud" ha half laughs.  
"I think I need to be alone, if that's okay. I have a hundred things running round my head and- 50 of them are different types of people with kid could be"  
"Course lou. You know where I am if you need me" he whispers and kisses the top of my head.  
"I know, thanks haz" I whisper and peck his lips softly. He kisses back but doesn't take it further, gives me a squeeze and leaves.

I collapse on my bed and let sleep take over. I'll deal with this when I wake up.

"Lou?" I hear someone whisper as my arm is shaken.  
"What?" I grunt then open my eyes slowly to adjust to the brightness of the room. Once the room comes into view I see harry, liam, zayn and my mum.

Harry helps me sit up against the head board and then explains what they're doing here.

"So, the social worker has been in touch again just to see if a decision has been made. And I remember you saying you're worried what he'll be like. So we found out and- we're all gona describe what he's like. 3 will be lies. One will be the truth. Then you can decide if you want him or not. It's the best thing I could think of to- let you know what he's like with out you having to meet him"

"Thanks haz" I whisper smile.

"Okay. He's a bit taller than you with brown hair and blue eyes. He loves dancin. He's a dancer. He's a bit of a nerd and is scared of thunder." Liam says.

"so, he's a small boy, aged 15 with blonde hair and has a smile like the sun. He loves music and football and is scared of water" Harry smiles at me.

"He's a short boy with a bit of baby fat, is scared of small spaces and heights. He's never been to school because your- the sperm donor- wouldn't let him. He's also incontinent" Zayn mutters.

I frown at that.

"He's a scared little boy who's lost everything and needs his brother" my mum challenges.

"Thanks guys" I sigh.

"What are you thinking?" Harry asks as he sits down on the bed next to me.  
"I want to meet him. I feel awful for judging him just because he's the sperm donors. I mean, so am I! I wouldn't want people judging me for it. It's not his fault who his dad is" I sigh.

"No one blames you for it lou. You don't trust people easy, curtsey of him making your childhood not very good" liam says softly.

"I don't want a brother though. I don't need one" I sigh.  
"Well, see him as a friend. You always need those. Or, see it as you might not need him but right now, he needs you" Harry smiles.

___

"So which one was true?" I mumble as my mum, harry and i head to the hospital to meet niall.

"All of them" my mum grins. I frown.

"He's called Niall, 15, um, small with naturally brown hair- but he dyes it blonde. He has blue eyes, loves dancin, music and football, bit of a nerd. He's scared of, water, Small places, heights and thunder." Harry explains.

"Zayn said he'd never been to school?" I half challenge half frown.  
"The sperm donor- wouldn't let him. He's also incontinent" harry mutters.

"How is he incontinent at 15?" I mutter.  
"From what we were told, the 'S' donor, said he fell out of bed as a baby and he hit his head, that part of his brain was damaged and it's unlikely it will ever repair itself" mum explains to me.

"He fell" I scoff.  
"That's what the hospital were told. I don't believe it either lou" mum mutters as she turns left into the hospital car park.

We head up to the teenage trauma ward and find room 23C.

"Hi you must be Joannah I'm Joy nialls social worker." A lady with a clipboard and suit says as she comes over and shakes my mum's hand.

"Hi Joy, this is Louis" mum smiles and gestures to me.  
"Hi louis, are you exited to meet your little brother?" She smiles.  
"Yeah, sure" I mumble.  
"He's just nervous" Harry laughs as he rubs his hand over my shoulder and gives me a look as if to say "they won't let him stay if she thinks you don't want him".

"Sorry, nervous, yeah- um- can't wait to meet him" I lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooo- That got tense!


	3. Chapter 3

Louis pov

"Hi niall, how are you doing today dear?" Joy smiles as we enter the room.  
"S- sore" niall croaks out before a coughing fit emerges.  
"Here, have some water" she sympathises as she hands him a small cup with a green straw. He takes small sips and grimaces as he swallows.

Niall is small and pale, aside from the burns covering 30% of his body. His left arm is red raw and blistering with some clear jel on it, as is his left leg. His face is blotchy in places, I'm assuming where some flames have jumped out and caught him. His hair is blonde and- thinning- on the left side. He has a large red and swollen patch on his head and the hair around it has been removed. I can tell he's tried to cover it with a bit of hair from the other side. He has baby fat. Not in the obese kind of way but in the- I enjoy cake and it goes straight to my cheeks and tummy kind of way. It's quite cute.

The thing I first notice though, is his eyes. They're piercing and full of electric. He looks scared and innocent, yet some how he looks dangerous. His eyes are ocean blue, a bit darker than mine. But I see it. The resemblance. Between him and me. But more between him and bobby. There's a fire in his eyes. Whether it's because he's not a fraid to fight back, because he's finally free or because he's as dangerous as his father I'm not sure.

"Niall this is louis. Your older brother" joy introduces us.  
"Hi niall" I mumble and offer a smiles for good measure.  
"Hi" he whispers.

"I'm harry, louis boyfriend" Harry smiles and shakes nialls hand softly.  
"Oh, hi. Hello" he whispers again.  
"Are you feeling any better niall?" My mum asks.  
"Um- a bit yeah, t'anks" he croaks out again. I can tell he inhaled a lot of smoke.  
"So how old are you niall?" Harry asks as he sits down on the chair next to nialls bed. He tugs my arm lightly until I'm sat on his knee, once there he wraps his arms around my waist and rests them on my stomache.

"Um- 15. I was 15 t'ree weeks ago"  
"Seriously?" I mutter.  
"Yeah" he looks down as his lap and I feel harry squeeze my arm as if to say 'be nice to him'.  
"Sorry, I was 15, 4 months ago. I'm just over 3 months older than you" I explain.  
"Oh, um, 'kay. Does that mean, my- um- dad cheated on your mum?"

"Yeah. They broke up when I was four. Nearly five." I explain as calmly as I can.  
"M' sorry" niall frowns.  
"No dear. Don't you be sorry. You can't take the blame for what someone else does okay? It's not your fault niall" mum soothes him.

"Still- someone you love- h- having a baby with some- someone else- I'd hate me- if I were you"  
"I don't hate you niall. I don't blame anyone for anything he did" mum explains.  
"Lewis?"

I take a deep breath at the name. And exhale harshly.  
"It's louis babe" Harry smiles and squeezes me again.

"Oh, s- sorry. Louis?"  
"Yeah niall?" I ask gently.  
"Are you m- mad at me?" Niall mumbles.  
"Why would I be? It's not your fault who your sper- dad- is. I just hate him and- I guess I'm hoping you're nothing like him" I say honestly.

"I like to think I'm not" he sighs as he scratches the bald part of his head.

"Oh sweety, I'll get the nurse" joy smiles and leaves the room.

I'm incredibly confused at first and then I look at niall, and after giving him the once over, I notice. He's wet himself.

Niall also frowns and looks down. As soon as he notices tears fi his eyes and a few fall as he turns onto his right side- away from us. I hear him sniffling quietly to himself and harry nudges me as an indication to talk to him.

I frown my eyebrows and wave my hands as if to say 'I don't know what to say!'  
He also waves his arms as if saying 'he's your little brother, comfort him'  
I sigh quietly.

"Niall?" I ask tentively.  
"Yeah?" He grumbles.  
"It's okay- joy explained what happened and why you can't control it. Come on, don't cry"

"I- I didn't even know needed to go" he mumbles.  
"That's okay, going to the toilet is too mainstream anyway" I joke.

He laughs a little ad that's the moment I decide. He's nothing like bobby. He's nothing like that drunken, abusive mess . He's kind and small and scared.

But he's also hiding something. I can see it In his eyes. Something he doesn't want anyone to know. I want to know.

We offer to leave the room as the nurse comes in to help clean niall up.  
"Louis?" Niall whispers as I reach the door, I'm the last out.  
"Yeah?" I say with a smile and turn to face him.  
"Will you w- wait with me?"  
"While she cleans you?" I try asking softly but even I'll admit I sounded very judgmental.  
"I don't- wanna be by myself" he whispers, not meeting my eyes.

"Oh- yeah- um- sure" I stutter and close the door. I meet harrys gaze before I do and he smiles at me. I return it before shutting the door and sitting back down next to him.

"Okay, niall, let's sit you up and get this gown off you" the nurse says as she helps him sit up. She un-ties the rope around his back and the unhook the loop around his neck before dropping the hospital gown in a bag and laying him back down.

Niall is very skinny. He's also got a few bruises on his stomache. Three guesses where (who) they're from. He's also wearing briefs and not boxers. I can tell he's already embarrassed so I don't mention it.

"Okay niall, do you want to clen yourself?" The nurse asks as she grabs a damp, soapy sponge.  
"Can't- can't use me arm" niall mumbles and half moves a few fingers on his left hand. Ah- he's left handed.

"I'll do it- if you want" I pipe up. I have no idea who I'm talking to and I have no idea why I nominated myself. But something about seeing my broth- niall- have to be wiped down by a 50 year old woman is cringe worthy.

"I'll give you 5 minutes then, if you need anything press the bell" the nurse smiles then leaves the room.

I wait for niall to take charge and tell me what he wants me to do. He doesn't so after a minute I take charge.

"Right, where are your clean pants and things?"  
"They all got burned in the fire"  
"So you don't have any clothes?"  
"Joy got me some joggers, shorts um pants. Few t-shirts" he mutters and nods to a plastic bag on the cupboard in the corner of the room.

I head over and pull out some shorts, a t shirt and some clean briefs. I then come back and slide his briefs down gently. Carefully avoiding his blistered leg. I drop them on the floor- I'll sort them later.

I them wipe him over softly with the sponge. Careful of the blisters he has down here. He winces slightly and I apologise before helping him into new briefs. I then pull the shorts up and help him sit so I can get a t shirt on him.

"I feel like a child" niall mumbles.  
"Why? Cos you need a bit of help? Everyone needs help with some things and you've been through a lot. Niall you could have died in that fire. Then I'd have never even known I had a brother"

"I knew about you" niall whispers.  
"Really?"  
"Yeh. Dad said all the time you were his favourite. Nothing I ever did was as good as what you could do"

"Niall we left when I was four and I haven't seen him since"  
"He still compared us. You still won" he doesn't sound bitter. He doesn't sound angry. He doesn't sound self pittying.  He sounds drained. Like he has no fight left in him.

"I'm sorry he made you feel like that" I say honestly.  
"I'm sorry he made me. I'm the last thing your family needs or wants"

"Oi. Enough of the self pity. You're a Tomlinson and we don't do that. We get knocked down we get back up. Someone does us wrong like bobby, we don't build bridges, we blow them up. Someone has a problem with us? That's fine. We make sure we show them what a problem looks like" I say firmly.

"But im not a Tomlinson, am I?"  
"You're as good as. You are wanted niall. None of this is your fault" I insist.  
"What if- it is?" He frowns.  
"What do you mean? Niall, you didn't start this fire- it's not on you. It's on him"

"I did. The fire- I started it"


	4. Chapter 4

Niall pov

"Niall, you can't blame yourself- look I know what bobbys like- I know how he works- but- blaming yourself for something you didn't start or had no control over isn't going to change anything."

"But I did start it. He was- he was drunk an' shoutin' an- he wanted a cig. But he couldn't light it. So I lit it. I lit the cig an' threw it at him. I went up to bed t'en half an hour later- everything was on fire" I explain through a whisper.

"But it was an accident. Niall- have you told anyone this?" He asks firmly.  
"No- the police haven't spoken to me yet"  
"You can't tell anyone what you just told me" he insists.  
"Why not? If it was an accident they'll understand" I frown.

"No they won't. They'll pin it as you doing it on purpose and you'll do time for arson" he whisper shouts.  
"Why do you even care? It's not like you want a brother. Or another reminder of bobby. Why do you care if I go to prison? One less mess for you huh?" I snap.

"Because I don't want to you go to jail. I know what happens to cute and innocent people in prison; so I'm sorry, that I don't want my little brother getting raped!" He shouts.

"It won't come to that. I'm a kid they'll let me off with a warning or community service" I scoff.  
"No niall. No they won't. You set the house on fire and your dad died because of it. You'll be tried for arson and man slaughter at least. They could even say you killed him on purpose and try you for murder" he hisses.

"Boys are we all clean?" The nurse asks as she comes back in.  
"Yeah. Can I um- have some more water?" Niall mumbles. The nurse nods and leaves with the jug.

"What do I do?" I whisper. Even more terrified than before.  
"Stay quiet. Tell them your dad was drunk and you argued for a bit before going to your room. You were in there until the smoke woke you up."  
"Kay" I whisper nod.

"Hey guys, can I come in?"Harry asks as he opens the door.  
"Sure babe" Louis grins.  
Harry smiles at him but looks at me for an answer. I nod slightly and he sits on the chair next to my bed again.

"So what are we talking about?" Harry asks.  
"N- nothin" I stutter.  
"Well now I'm not suspicious you're both plotting something" Harry laughs.  
"We're not planning anything" I snap.

"Don't snap at him niall" Louis says sharply.  
"What's going on?" Harry sighs.  
"We can't tell you. It's better if you don't know" Louis says softly as he rubs harrys thigh.

I feel a pang in my chest at the action. Whether it's jealousy or guilt for making him lie to his boyfriend I'm not sure. But it's something and it's making me feel sick.

"So it's illegal then" Harry smiles. "Lou I can read you like a book. I'll find out eventually." Harry smiles.  
"It's better if you don't know" Louis insists.  
"Is it about the fire?" He asks gently.  
"Just stop asking" Louis hisses.  
"So it is. What happened? Did niall start it?  Was it on purpose? Did you try and kill bobby-"

"-enough! I started the fire but I've been told not to tell the cops that" I snap.  
"Oh- yeah no- don't tell them that. It won't go down well" Harry says simply then asks if we've decided where I'm staying one I'm released from hospital.

I look at louis with a raised eyebrow. As of to ask 'is he serious? He just found out I started a fire that killed our dad and he isn't bothered?!'

"Oh- yeah- harry won't judge you. Just don't tell anyone anything niall" he says simply.

 

Louis pov

I keep getting sideways glances from harry. I know he knows about the fire but I didn't want him to. If he knows and they find out, he could be charged with peverting the course of justice for with holding information. I didn't want him getting involved in this. But it's harry and he'd never let me do this alone.

After our little chat niall falls asleep again and joy and my mum come back in.

"So louis, what do you think about niall staying with us?" My mum asks as her and joy take a seat at the oposite side of the bed to me and harry.

"Honestly?" I mumble. Joy nods and harry squeezes my arm. "I'm not sure. I mean- it's not because I don't want him- I do. I just- I don't know how to be a big brother I guess"

"That's understandable. You've never had a brother before. It's just like having a best friend. But they live with you" Harry laughs.

"I know but what if I fuck it up?"

"You won't. And if you do so what? You can always fix what's broken. Niall isn't a baby- yes he needs help with things- like not knowing when he needs the loo and he may need help dressing until his arm is better- but he isn't a baby. He's never had a brother either. And you're a similar age meaning you're both old enough to understand- mistakes are made." My mum says reassuringly.

"Look at it this way. He's your friend. See him as a friend first and the brother stuff can fall into place later. You're his guinea pig as much as he's yours. You can both figure it out as you go" Harry soothes.

I sigh and ponder everything that has been Said. I understand where they're coming from. I'm just scared. Scared I'll fuck it up. Scared I'll say yes- get attached and niall will want to leave. Scared he'll turn out like bobby.

"What are you thinking lou? Talk to us" Harry smiles and kisses my head gently.  
"I'm scared I'll get attached to him and he'll leave. I mean- does he even want to stay with us?"

"I have brought it up with niall and he said he'd like to get to know you regardless. If you'd rather he not stay there he still wants to get to know you"

"I'd- I'd like him to stay- if that's okay mum?" I mumble and flick my eyes over to look at her briefly.  
"Of course it is louis" mum smiles.

"We best get some furniture for him" joy grins.  
"W' yah smilin' f'er" niall grumbles as he wakes up. I laugh slightly at his accent when hes just woken up. It's full on Irish. Strong and broad (and incoherent).

"You're going to be staying with louis and Joannah" joy explains.

"Th- they want me?" Niall whispers, eyes locked on mine.  
"Yeah- you're my little brother. Course I want you" I exclaim.  
"Oh- t- t'ank you" he blushes.

___

 

The next week is eventful. Trying to get niall settled in to our home isn't easy. Well it would be- if not for his injuries. It's not just the physical. It's the mental pain he's going through. Not just from the fire. not just for him being responsible for bobbys death. But he's not coping with the scars on his body.

As niall and I share a room, I hear him. I hear him cry himself to sleep at night. I hear him call himself 'scar face' and 'freak' as he struggles to get dressed every morning. I see him slide his hair over the bald side of his head to cover it. I watch him glare holes into his arm and the blotches covering it. I watch him struggle to walk with the limp, due to his leg being blistered from ankle to groin.

"Niall- stop beating yourself up" Harry says firmly. We're currently cuddled in my bed and niall is in his own cursing himself.

"M not" he grumbles. I feel harry get up from behind me. We've both being pretty much taking it in turns over the last week to stop him scratching his burns and pulling his hair and calling himself names.

I hear harry pad over to where niall is laid and I sit up properly to see him. I watch harry nudges him slightly and climb onto the bed (above the duvet) he pulls niall into his chest and runs his hands slowly up and down his back. Massaging small little circles and humming a random tune. His other hand comes up to his hair near the Base of his neck and plays lightly with the small strands.

"Shhh. It's okay babe. Get some sleep" Harry murmurs. He continues this routine for 10 minutes until niall is asleep. He then lays him down gently and tip toes back over to me.

"Thank you" I whisper.  
"No problem babe. I love you and I know you're hurting seeing him in pain"  
"I want to help but I can't. Nothing I do fixes it!" I stress through a whisper as to not wake niall up.

"It's not something you can fix over night. It will take time. You have to remember he's been through something traumatic. On top of that he's covered in burns. On top of that he's been thrown in the deep end living with a brother he's never met. He was a cheat baby, so he probably feels awful for your mum-"

"-okay. He's been through a lot" I mutter.

"It's gona get worse considering he's starting New Side high tomorrow" Harry sighs.

"If anyone so much as thinks, about looking at him funny, I'll smash their faces in" I snarl.  
"There you go" Harry grins.  
"What?" I frown.  
"The big brother instinct. The protective side kicking in" he laughs.  
"It's my foot that will be kicking things in if anyone hurts him".

My grumbles earn another laugh and a kiss to the side of my head.


	5. Chapter 5

Louis pov

I'm rudely awoken from my beauty sleep (and very cosy bed) by mum mum knocking on our door saying we have to leave in 40 minutes for school. I sigh and roll back over. Which is great, for the five minutes I get, before she's hammering on the door again telling us we better get up.

"Five more minutes" Harry whines into my chest. I half laugh at that. He doesn't even live here, but he still gets scolded in the morning wake up routine.

"Louis Tomlinson. Up now" is what I hear some time later.  
"Why" I grunt.  
"Because you're leaving in 20 minutes" mum replies through the door. I sigh and roll over onto my back as a half arsed attempt to wake up.

"Lou" Harry mumbles.  
"What?" I whine. Why does everyone want to indulge in a full on conversation at 7:30 AM?!  
"Niall might need a bath. Smells a bit fresh in here" he whispers as he kisses my head, then lips.

I take a breath in through my nose and regret it instantly. It stinks. I cough gently then a bit harsher.

"Choking on air" I laugh once I've finished my coughing fit.  
"Air is lethal" niall giggles as he sits up. He must notice the mess as his face drops like a lead balloon and he tilts his head down to hide his face from view. I can tell he's crying. He sniffles slightly and wipes his nose on his right arm sleeve before standing up.

"It's okay Ni" I soothe as I head over to him.  
"It's not-" he argues.  
"-it is. Come on. Go get a shower babe, I'll sort your bed" I insist.

He sighs but complies and walks away to the bathroom. As soon as he's gone I head over and strip his bed whilst harry gets dressed. Harry then offers to make the bed whilst I get ready.

Niall comes out 10 after he left. He's wearing loose jeans and a baggy hoodie as to not irritate his burns.

"Have you got protection on" I mumble, referring to the pull ups he reluctantly agreed to wear, as I straighten his jumper strings out. It's not to embarrass him but I have to ask. He nods his head and sighs.

"How am I gona keep the supplies in my bag though? What if someone sees them?" He whispers, fiddling with his fingers lightly, he does this whenever he gets nervous.  
"I'll keep them in my locker and give you the code"

I've sorted out 10 draw string bags. Each has a spare change of clothes, a pull up and some wipes. I'm going to put them, in a pile, in my locker and if needed he can just grab a bag and people will assume it's GYM gear. I hope.

"What if someone sees them in your locker?"  
"I'd like to see them try and say something" I grin and smooth his hair out. He still slides it over the bald section and you can still clearly see the bald part, but I don't mention it. He just sighs and carefully puts his shoes on.

"Ni- it's gona be alright. I promise you that now. No one is gonna hurt you" I say honestly as I lean down and tie his shoes for him. He can't work the fingers in his left hand yet.

"Thanks lou- for everythin' I mean"  
"Don't mention it. It's what brothers do. Or so I'm told" I joke, glancing at harry as though he's the one that told me. It earns a laugh from niall and a smiling head shake from harry so I'll take it.  
___

Niall pov.

The ride to my new school is loud. Harry drives himself, me, louis and two other boys names liam and zayn. Liam is posh. Louis is loud. Zayn is sulky. Harry is chatty and I want to be anywhere but here. Harry is driving and I'm in the passenger seat so no one catches my burns.

"Don't be nervous niall- it will be fine". Liam grins at me over the back of the seat.  
"But it might not be-"  
"-zayn! Shut up. It will be fine" Louis snaps.  
"But it might not be is all I'm saying. Teenagers can be dicks"

"Yeah and IF they are, I'll put them in their places" Louis snaps again.  
"We all will" Harry smiles at me softly.

As we pull into the car park, just inside the gates, I see the school. It's huge. There are loads of teenagers messing around and heading inside and I start feeling sick.

"Come on niall, I'll show you to reception to get your timetable" Louis says as harry parks up the car. I climb out slowly and grab my bag from the floor, before closing the door.

"Oh before we go, niall, we all chipped un and got you something" Harry smiles as he digs around in his bag. I look at louis to explain but he looks just as clueless as I am.

"Here you go, so you wrap this bit around your thigh. As high up as you can and the bracelet turns red when you're- damp" he whispers, so no one else hears, handing me a plastic green bracelet and a longer one that has velcro to lock it around my leg.

"This must have cost loads" I mumble as I flip the items between my hands.  
"Don't worry. Me, liam and zayn chipped in. We got one that just looks like a normal bracelet. That way no one can tell" he smiles.

"Thank you. Thank you- all of you. So much- i- this is amazing. I really appreciate this" I mumble, holding back my emotions as to not cry on my first day of school.  
"Thank you guys" Louis says also. Harry gives him a kiss on the lips and the other two give him a one armed hug.

"Hey louis, who's that?" A girl asks with a smirk. She's fairly pretty but she's wearing a very short skirt and has no meat on her body.

"Taylor. This is my brother niall, niall this is Taylor. She's Harrys ex who is a slut" is all he says before walking off.  
"Um. Nice- t- to meet you" I stutter to her, as I join the others in the direction of the school.  
Louis gives me a tour of the school after getting my timetable. I have at least one of the boys in all of my classes. Except chemistry. I'm on my own in that. Luckily my first class is with louis and zayn and it's maths.

"Okay class, I hope you had a nice weekend and did everything you wanted that's legal" a small ginger lady says from her desk.

"Does setting someone on fire count as legal?" One of the boys at the back shouts. We're near the middle. "Not the nerds at the front, but not the dicks right at the back" as louis explained to me earlier.

"Yes Michael. That is arson" she sighs.  
"So whys the new kid here?" Michael laughs.  
"Yeah- he set his house on fire" a boy sat next to him joins in. I lower my head to look at the table and sigh.

"Luke that is enough" the teacher scolds.  
"I have a point. Right Ashton?" He asks the boy next to him.  
"Yeah. What if you give him too much homework and poof! You're on fire" Ashton smirks.

"I didn't set anyone on fire" I argue.  
"The house went up on its own did it?" Michael scoffs.  
"No, me alcoholic da set it on fire when he was so pissed out of his tree he fell asleep with his cig" I turn around and snarl.

"Shit. Dude i- I'm sorry" luke stammers.  
"S- fine" I whisper, turning back around.

"Right. No more of this. Niall is new to this school and has previously been home schooled. So be nice and help him if he gets a bit stuck" the teacher instructs.

Maths is uneventful after that. We learn about trigonometry and pythagorous and shapes and shit. It's pretty boring but fairly straight forward.

After that is English (liams in that), then art (zayn and harry are in my class) Then it's lunch which we all have together. We then have geography (louis and harry are in that so I get no work done), French (with harry, louis and liam) then I have chemistry (on my own). Louis walks me over so I don't get lost.

"This is it. You be okay?" Louis sighs.  
"Course. Be fine" I half lie.  
He gives me a hug and tells me to text him if I need anything, I lie and say I will.

Once in the classroom I get half told off for sitting in Freddie's chair. So I move to the only available chair. Next to a boy called josh and another boy called Justin.

"Hey freak" Justin laughs.  
"Leave him alone" josh grunts.  
"What he is. He has a big bald patch- I mean he's going bald at 15. He also walks like he's been fucked too hard. Or shit himself" he laughs.  
"He's been in a fire. Prick. It was on the news" josh snaps.

"Yeah well. He's still weird. I mean, how bad are the burns? Are you like a scar face but on your legs? I can see your arm is blistered" he nods to my legs arm and i tug the sleeve further down.

"Is your dick scarred? That's grim if it is. Dude- how do you fuck someone with a scabby dick- I mean it would look hideous for a start. Never mind I doubt it would get up. Then I doubt she'd enjoy it. I mean, with a fucked up leg you can't really get the power for hard thrusts can you?" He goads.

"Ignore him, he's just a prick. Cool bracelet. I like green" josh smiles and continues his work.

Tears prick my eyes and a couple fall. I'm not sure if it's from what Justin said. How much pain I'm in mentally/ physically/ emotionally. Or because I've wet myself in the middle of chemistry.


	6. Chapter 6

Niall pov

"Niall? Are- you okay?" Josh asks as I wipe my tears swiftly from my eyes, hoping no one saw. He did.  
"Fine" I choke out quietly.  
"No you aren't- you're crying- what's wrong?" He whispers and rubs his hand gently over my lower back.  
"Jus'- takin' it to heart i guess- yah know- wha' Justin said"

"Well don't. He's a dick" he says sternly.  
I nod my head slightly to acknowledge I've heard him and we go back to our work.  
"Hey, want to meet up after school some time? We can chill at mine or go get food or something" josh offers.  
"Yeah? Um- yah that sounds- great- um- yeah" I stutter.

"Good. I have a question" he smiles.  
"Um- yeah? Go on" I frown.  
"Sorry if I cross any lines here but what's your preference?"  
"F'er what?" I mutter as I write down some notes from the board.  
"You know. What you're into"

"Um- I like footy- music- d-dancin-" I list off nervously.  
"-No no no no" he rushes out with a laugh. "I mean what gender are you into? Are you straight? Gay? Bi?" He grins

My cheeks flush at how naive I must look. How innocent and stupid. There's me listing everything I like. When he only wanted to know what gender of person I date.

"Um- only ever been with -girls- but- I'm not- I don't think I'd -be- against a guy?" I stammer out, confusing myself. Am I straight? Am I gay? Am I Bisexual? Or asexual or pansexual or whatever else there is?

"Hey- It's okay! I'm not trying to confuse you or influence you in any way. I just like you and would like to get to know you more- and see what happens- but if you aren't ready or aren't interested I understand" he says kindly.

"I'm not- 'm not a virgin. But I'd rather be- dating someone -than jus- fuck? I think- so if you're after a quick lay- it's not happenin'". I say honestly but also a little nervously, he's the first person to be nice to me and I don't want to mess it up.

"I'm not after sex niall. I'd like to get to know you and- if there isn't a spark- we'll still be friends"

"There will always be a spark with this one around. Likes to blow things up don't you niall?" Justin laughs.  
"I didn't blow anyone up" I snap.

"No? Just set your house on fire with daddy inside? You could have waited until you got out though- then you wouldn't be ugly. Such a waste of a body with all those hideous scars on them-"

"-Fuck you!" I shout and stand up from my chair. The chair tips backwards and the whole class looks at me whilst the teacher tells me to sit down and to mind my language.  
"Yeah sparks, sit down" Justin smirks.  
"Niall just leave him-"

"-fuck you- you nasty prick" I growl again at Justin and storm out of the room. I head to louis locker and grab an emergency bag then head to the nearest toilet to change.

Once there I lock myself in one of the bathrooms and slide down the door for a little cry. Why are teenagers so nasty? What did I do to Justin to make him criticise me and point out all my flaws and insecurities? I try to be nice to people and I only ever get criticised.

"Why aren't you like louis? He could play football like a man?"

"Why can't you sing better? Louis had a great voice."

"Louis got an A on that paper"

"Louis never made me regret not putting somethin in the end of it while me and your mam fucked"

"Louis louis louis-"

"-Gaarahhhh!" I scream and smack my head backwards on the door. I don't feel any calmer, if anything I feel worse because I have a headache now.

I breath harshly whilst I try to calm down. I pull my hair slightly to let out some of my frustrations. I scratch my arms to made them look even hideous- because let's face it- they're already a mess- may as well get something out of it. Nothing works. I guess I was just made to be that kid. The rubbish one. The one purely there to make the other kid look even better. The one not particularly good at anything so I have nothing I can shine for because everything I do is average.

I change out of my wet pull up and put a dry one one. The green band turns back red and I'm slightly bewildered by how it works. I then pull my jeans back up and pack my things away.

I open the door and walk out into the sink area, where I run into louis and one of the teachers.

"Josh texted me what happened! Why didn't you tell me?! He shrieks.  
"Dunno" I shrug and look at the floor as the tears start to, once again, fall. I was embarrassed? Ashamed? Confused?

"Babe come here" he whispers and pulls me into a tight hug. He's slightly taller than me so I can rest my face on his shoulder and snuggle in for a proper cuddle.

"Did you have an accident?" He mutters, quietly so the teacher doesn't hear.  
I nod and sniffle even more. I don't like school. I'm not ready for it. I wanna go home where I'm safe and warm and there aren't any mean people who pick on me.

"Maybe we should see about you having some time in smaller classes? Till you can adjust a bit better?" Louis offers as he pulls back and smooths some of my hair down. I know that's where the bald part is but I can feel him slide the hair over to it's not as obvious.

"Maybe. Maybe- see how I go" I mumble. I don't particularly want to stay. But I feel like I can't really back out after only one day. Maybe a week or two but not on day one. That just screams 'Wimp' and 'Baby'

"Come on babe, let's get you home" Louis whispers and grabs my hand. He leads me out of the school, along with everyone else as it's home time, and I can already hear the whispers and feel the stairs. I'm a freak. I'm the weirdo. I'm the outsider. The out cast. The- one who doesn't belong here.

 

"Thats the new kid- he's bald"  
-  
"That kid blew up his house"  
-  
"He's a dealer and his druggy friends set his house on fire cos he couldn't pay them"  
-  
"He's got no hair"  
-  
"He's full of scars"  
-  
"He made a move on Justin and got turned down for being ugly"  
-  
"Cripple"  
-  
"His arm is all blotchy and gross"  
-  
"I wouldn't let him fuck me if you paid me"  
-  
"Look at his limp"  
-  
"Spastic"  
-  
"His dick is scabby  
-  
"He tried fucking Justin with his scarred cock and Justin laughed at him"  
-  
"Freak"  
-  
"What a loser"  
-  
"Poor louis. Imagine being related to THAT"  
-  
"He's so ugly- it's actually funny"  
-  
"What a hideous face he has"  
-  
"That arm will give me nightmares"  
-  
"He's like a blonde Frankinstien with half his hair missing"   
-  
"I'd drown myself if I looked like that"  
-  
"Look at chubby, limp a lot"  
-  
"If I were him- I'd wear a wig"  
-  
"Defo somethin out of a horror film"  
-  
"Maybe he should diet if he's struggling to walk with all that body fat"  
-  
"Check out peg leg"  
-  
"I'd rather die than walk around with a scar face and no hair"  
-  
"Well- he fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down"

 

The worst thing about what they're saying?

It's true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG- WHAT DO YOU THINK??
> 
> ALSO, WHO HAS NIALLS NEW EMOJI APP?
> 
> I DO!! :D


	7. Chapter 7

Niall pov

I thought my life couldn't get any worse. I thought wrong. Monday was horrific. I was laughed at, picked on and wet myself. Tuesday couldn't possibly top this right? Wrong. One word could ruin my Tuesday. GYM.

"Hey sparks" Justin smiles as I walk into the changing rooms for my first two lessons of GYM class.  
"Justin be nice to him" josh grunts "tag on with me if you want" he then adds to me.  
"T'anks josh" I half smile and make my way over to him.

The main problem now is he's getting changed in the middle of the locker room. Along with everyone else. I have boxers on over my pull up and you can't tell so I'm not worried too much about that. It's my scars.

"Sir? Can I wear joggers?" I ask softly as the coach is checking the list of things we need to do this term.  
"No. That's not the school uniform noel"  
"It's um- niall. And sir- I- I'm not comfortable w- wearing shorts" I stutter.

"Then it will have to be taken up with the head teacher. Until then you have to wear shorts. I'm sorry niall" he explains, his tone softens slightly and I can tell he is sorry. Not that it's any help to me. I nod softly so he knows I've heard him and head back over to josh.

"Hey niall- hang with me and zayn if you want" liam offers on my way past.  
"Oh- um- josh already- offered me to- stay with- um- him"  
"Okay, no problem" he smiles. Got bless liam, he's so sweet.

"What did coach say about the shorts?"  
"To speak to the head and see what she says" I grumble.  
"Not happening then" he sighs. I've never met her, but the head teacher is firm on rules. She never breaks them.

I start by taking my shoes off and getting my trainers and shorts out ready. I then pull my jeans down slowly, avoiding eye contact with everyone in the room, and kick them off carefully. I'm as quick as I can- whilst being careful of my burned leg- but the fingers on my left hand still aren't working properly and my grip is poor. People notice. I feel the stares at my leg. More specifically the burns. The bright purple and red bubbly, blistering marks covering me from ankle to groin.

I take a deep breath and pull my shorts up before pulling on my trainers. I struggle to tie them as my hand doesn't work so I just tuck the laces in and hope for the best.

"Niall- they'll come un done- come her" josh mumbles. He sits me down on the bench and sits next to me then picked up my foot, resting it on his knee and begins to tie the laces. He then lowers my leg gently and does the same with the other one.

"T- tanks josh" I mumble.  
"No problem" he smiles at me and flicks some of my hair over the bald side. He runs his fingers gently though it to settle it down and smiles at me.

"Awe- sparks has a boyfriend" Justin snickers.  
"No I don't" I frown  
"Yeah you're right. No one would date you. Josh just wants to fuck you" he cackles.  
"No I don't- I'm being his friend. Problem?" He growls and squares up to Justin who backs down and quivers slightly. I smirk at the fact josh stuck up for me to the point he intimidated freaking Justin!

Gym isn't too bad. I get to sit out on the bench and don't have to actually do the exercise. Josh is also allowed to sit out with me (because he wrote a note from his mum saying he has a bad wrist and needs to be excused)

"Hey sparks" Justin smirks as he jogs past us.  
"Hey dick face" I grunt.  
"You better watch your mouth" he growls as he gets up into my face. I stand up and push my shoulders out to look more intimidating. I doubt I look scary. I'm 5 foot 2 and about as scary as a baby penguin. Regardless, I show him I'm not backing down.

"No, you better watch yours" josh growls as he pushes Justin backwards slightly. "I'm serious, you better leave niall alone or you'll have me to deal with" he warns. Justin just huffs and joins the group running laps as a warm up.

"Hey josh?" I say a few minutes later.  
"Yeah niall?" He asks, offering me a sideways smile.  
"I'm not sure- um- what my preferences are yet- bu- um- I'd like to hang out with you- like out side of school. Get to know you?" I stutter and feel my cheeks blush and my temperature rises.

I'd never really considered dating a boy before. It was never an option as my dad was a total homophobic and I'd have been murdered for even thinking about the possibility of dating a boy. But the more I think about it the more I can see me enjoying it more than with girls. With girls it's all emotions and feelings and squishy bits of fat that I'm supposed to love but don't.

As weird as it is, I always wanted to be the soft one. The one needing a bit more protection. The one who gets walked home when it's dark. The one who's squishy. The one who gets emotional at soppy films like Finding Nemo, Marley and Me and The Notebook. The one who needs just a bit more looking after. And cuddles. Cuddles are great too.

"Yeah? Are you sure?" He grins.  
"Yeah- i- I've never -um- dated or- done anything with a boy before- but- I like you an- I'd like to see what happens" I say honestly, I don't feel like he's about to laugh at me and tell me it was all a joke. I feel like he's about to caress my cheek with a soft finger and gaze longingly into my eyes and tell me how happy he is that I've decided to give him a chance.

In reality he does neither of these things as the bell rings and we head back with the rest of the class to get changed again.

"Thank you- for giving me a chance- i- I can see it wasn't easy for you. I'm feeling you don't let people in easily- so thank you for seeing me worthy of letting your walls come down" he whispers after we're changed into our school clothes. He runs his hand softly over my cheek and smooths some of my hair down once again.

I have butterflies in my stomache, a blush on my cheeks and my hands are sweaty, but I feel like I'll be okay. I feel like josh will have my back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooo. What do you think??


	8. Chapter 8

Josh pov

At first when i met niall in maths and Justin was picking on him, I felt like I had to be a big brother of sorts and defend him. Me and louis are friends and if someone was bullying my little brother I know louis would defend him in a heart beat. I felt I had to repay the hypothetical favour.

But then sitting next to him and taking him in, I got curious. It's obvious he's insecure. He's been hurt a lot and not just by the fire, but by the poisonous people around him. It made me still want to protect him, but also get to know him and figure out what I can do to help him.

I then notice he's wearing a training bracelet. My mum has one for my 5 year old little brother- he's got down syndrome and not only can he not make it to the toilet, he never knows when he needs to go. The bracelet tells her when his nappy is wet. I'm even more curious as to why a 15 year old would need one. It's obvious niall would be embarrassed by it, if he knew i knew, so I make a point not to mention I know what the band does.

But the longer I sit next to him the more I want to get to know him. The more I want to protect him. The more I want to see every side of him. The happy, can't contain his giggle as he hides his face behind his sweater paws. The silent wheezing of him not being bale to breath from laughing so hard. The shy, unsure of everything side of him that needs the reassurance to know he's okay.

The sad, hiding his face from everyone and anything to protect himself from getting hurt again. The desperate needy niall, the one who demands the attention he deserves. The vulnerable niall. The one who let's his guard down and let's me see the side of him he's never shown anyone before. The one that trusts me enough to look after him and keep him safe. The one that knows I won't laugh or betray his trust or let him down.

When niall says he wants to get to know me better my whole world is flipped upside down and I feel both dizy and sick ar the same time. Resulting in me being glad when the bell rings so I can organise and coordinate my thoughts to form a coherent sentence.

Seeing niall getting changed, witnessing his biggest insecurities and seeing him bow his head in shame is hard. I just want to lift his head and tell him he's beautiful. Tell him he's perfect and that the scars don't define who he is. Tell him that the people who love him don't mind and the people who mind don't love him. I don't. I don't point it out in case it upsets him even more. 

I can see he's struggling to keep it together and I want to batter the coach for making him wear shorts when he's this uncomfortable. Again I don't, because if I do, the people who haven't noticed will notice and it will just draw more attention to niall and I can tell that's the last thing he want.

"Hey, want to go out for tea tonight?"I ask gently as we're packing up from GYM.  
"Um- sure- havta tell louis and- um- Joannah" he stammers.  
"Course, I'll meet you at the main gate yeah?" I grin.  
"Yeah. Um- yeah" he nods and offers me a shy smile back.

"I'll drive us there but if you want to go home and change first that's okay, I can drop you off" I say as though it's not a big deal, which it isn't, I just don't know if he had a spare change of clothes for if he messes and I want him to be comfortable for out date/ not date.

"T'anks- I'll see how I feel- um later- might be sweaty or um- my feet hurt in these shoes so- could need to change" he stutter.  
"No problem babe" I smile, the pet name slipping out. He doesn't seem to mind as his cheeks flush and he bows his head shyly whilst letting a small giggle erupt from those perfect lips.

I walk with him to our next class; English, and we bump into louis and harry on the way.  
"Hey Ni, having a better day today?" Harry smiles. I frown slightly at the nickname he's given him, hoping one day I can be on that level with niall.

"Yah, going out for- um- food with- Joshy tonight" he giggles and my heart melts. Whether it's from the pet name he's given me or from his small giggles I have no idea but I'm in heaven.

"Oh?" Harry grins at me.

His eyebrow raised slightly in an amused look. I can tell he is amused but I can see the warning behind his eyes. I'm dead if I so much as think about hurting this boy. Not that I ever would. But if I do, I'm 6 feet under.

"And where are you taking him? He's not a cheap date you know. Us Tomlinsons are used to the finer things in life" Louis comments. I don't bring up the fact niall isn't a Tomlinson, I find it sweet that louis associates niall as one. And I'm well aware louis is used to the best tings, he's the biggest drama queen diva of the school. Everyone knows it, so does he.

"I was thinking we could decide on the way, see what we fancy at the time" I say honestly. There's nothing worse than wanting a steak but the place you've gone to is Italian and they only serve pizza and pasta.

"Sounds good to me" niall beams up at me.  
"Awe, what's sparks grinning at?" Justin taunts from behind me. I can feel his presence close to my body and I snap. I turn around and belt him in the face with my fist.

"I told you to play nice" I snarl as he's cowering on the floor. "Apologise to niall and don't speak to him again" I order. There's a small crowd around and I can see his reputation go straight down the toilet. I don't care. He doesn't hurt my baby and get away with it.

"S- sorry niall" he whispers holding his jaw.  
"S- s' okay- jus' please drop the name? it's a bit- um- upsetting" niall whispers but offers Justin his right hand to help him up. He smiles at me whilst doing so and I feel proud to know he knows I have his back.

 

Niall pov

 

After helping Justin off the floor I feel better. Josh defended me and we're going out for food as like a sort of date. Harry and louis approve so that's a plus.

We head into English and learn about a school trip to London for a week to learn about the houses of parliament and a load of boring shit. All I heard was trip to London. We all get consent forms and find out the fee is £200 for the week.

"Miss?" I ask after the work had been handed out and everyone is working on the sheets in front of us.  
"Yes niall?" He smiles and comes over to see me.  
"Can- um- when does the money need paying by?" I ask quietly.  
"Deadline is 3 weeks on Friday"

"Oh- um- I don't- the money from social services won't um- won't cover it- can you give my place to someone else?" I mumble. I would have liked to go but if not someone else will get the chance which means the place won't go to waste.

"Niall- mum will cover it" Louis frowns.  
"I don't have a mum louis" I half snap "s- sorry- it's a lot of money and I don't expect Joannah to cover it. Especially twice"

"She doesn't mind. Niall she took you in knowing there would be things she'd have to pay out for. Mum honestly doesn't mind and most of it will be covered by social services. I promise, and if you're still unsure, earn it. Do some chores and help our with he house and garden. She'll appreciate that" he smiles.

"Okay, um, I'll talk to her" I whisper. I still feel awful.  
"Hey niall, if we both go we could share a room, if you want. The four of us?" Josh grins and motions to harry and louis as well.

"No. One of the perks of being gay, is I can have sex with my boyfriend on trips away as you can only share a dorm with the same gender. I can't have sex with my baby bro in the room" Louis cackles.

"We could still share? Um- if you want to?" I half smile half hides his face.  
"Course" Josh grins and runs the back of his knuckle against my cheek, scratching it lightly to make me giggle.

"No sex though- um- please- not yet" I quickly add on.  
"Course not babe. I'll wait" he says honestly.

He doesn't elaborate. I know he means he'll wait for eveything. Not just the sex.  But the dates. The kisses. The oral things. I know he's honest when he says he'll wait and it melts my heart.

 

Then of course, the thing that crosses my mind is, how do I stop him finding out about my bladder issues??


	9. Chapter 9

Niall pov

My conclusion is that Josh is an angel. He's so funny and so kind - it's amazing. I find out on the date/ not date -he wants to be a drummer when he leaves school and tour the world with a famous artist. He then says he knows it's a long shot and his back up plan is to open a music school and teach musical instruments to kids and adults.

"What instruments?" I grin and I take a sip of my coke.  
"All of them hopefully- appeal to more people that way. I can play drums and bass. A friend of mine can do keyboard and so on. If I can have like 4 workers who can play a range of things that cover eveything it's a win" he beams. 

"I can play guitar and drums if you want an apprentice" I joke  
"Can't have you working with me, you'd be too much of a distraction" he whispers into my ear and pecks my cheek. I feel my face flush and he smiles even more mumbling "so adorable".

"M not 'dorable" I mumble and take a bit of the cheese burger sat in front of me.  
"You are. Even how you say adorable is adorable" he argues.  
I stick my tongue out in response and go back to my burger.

"So, what about you? Any life long dreams?" He asks after a moment of comfortable silence.  
"I- um- not really" I lie.  
"Sure? You don't seem convinced" he smiles reassuringly at me.  
"As a kid- I- um- I wanted to- be a dancer" I whisper to the table, which is where I'm currently looking.

"Do you still want to be a dancer?" He asks softly and lifts my chin so I have no choice but to look at him.  
"I- yeah but I can't now can I?" I sigh.  
"Why not? You can be anything you want to be and I'll batter anyone who says otherwise" he insists.

"My leg. S- s' all gammy- can't dance like I used to" I grumble, isn't it obvious?  
"Well- I'm sure with practise and gradual exercise you can work it back up. I imagine you to be an amazing dancer and if you want- I'll practise with you" he smiles.

"You don't have to laugh at me" I frown.  
"Hey! I'm not- I- i have two left feet so I'll be rubbish- but- if you don't want to go to classes alone- I'll go with you"

"Really?" I mumble.  
"Really. You can even laugh at me when I face plant"  
I don't respond verbally, just giggle and squeeze his hand as a thank you (and if I leave my hand on top of his and he flips his hand over to hold mine- who is here to judge us)

"Pink is a great color on your cheeks, let's me know I'm doing something right" he whispers softly.  
"Joshy! Stop it" I whine, he just laughs.

"So, still on for sharing a room in London?" He smiles.  
"Yeah- um- jus'- jus' nervous" I whisper and fiddle with the bracelet that turned green at some point.

 

Josh pov

"Because of this?" I as softly and stroke his bracelet with my thumb.  
"W- what- no- um i-" he stammers.  
"Ni- it's okay- calm down babe. I know what it does, I've known from the start" I say cautiously. The last thing I want to do is upset him, I want him to know it doesn't bother me.

"How- who told you?" He whimpers and tears fill his eyes. His face goes blotchy and I wipe away the first tear that falls down his beautiful face.  
"No one- ni- my little brother has one. He has Downe syndrome so it tells my mum when he needs changing" I say gently.

"I'm not a baby" he says as firmly as he can.  
"I'm know you aren't. That wasn't what I was thinking at all! I was wondering if something happened to cause this"

"W- when I was little- me da- p- pushed me off a- a kitchen chair. I spilled me drink- and- he got mad. I blacked out and woke up in hospital. The doctor told me to be more careful when I'm sleeping. Da told them I fell out of bed" niall mumbles slowly as he draws patterns into the table with his finger.

"How old were you?" I gasp.  
"6. After then- i- I never know when I have to go. Even after I've been- I can't tell" he sighs.  
"That's evil- did you not tell the nurses what really happened?"

"No. I got a look that- told me it's- in my best interests not to" he laughs dryly.  
"I'm so sorry ni" I whisper.  
"Why? 'S not your fault. It's in the past anyway. Hakuna Matatta and all that" he grins.

"Hakuna Matatta what a wonderful phrase. Hakuna Matatta ain't no passing craze-" I belt out. In the middle of 5 Guys burger bar. Niall chokes out the mouthful of coke he'd just taken and half spits it over the table from laughter. I figure it's better to have him laughing till he can't breathe than crying so I go all out. Stand up, put my arms in the air and belt out even louder"

"It means no worries- for the rest of your days- it's out problem free- philosophy -Hakuna Matatta"

Niall hides his face in his hands and let's out small wheezes of air as he struggles to catch his breath.

I realise that the whole restaurant is laughing at me but I don't care. Niall was so embarrassed with me finding out about his accidents so i thought I'd give him something embarrassing about myself. Make things even.

 

Niall pov

Josh drops me off home after our burgers and I don't think I've ever laughed so much in my life. As he goes around each corner he makes a screeching noise with his mouth and when he sets off he makes the noise of an engine revving.

"Thanks for tonight Josh, it was lovely" I smile as he walks me to the door.  
"No problem baby" he whispers and pecks my cheek.  
"So are you- are we going out again?" I stutter.  
"If you'll have me" he replies.  
"Course I will" I mumble back and duck my head down from embarrassment.

"Can I kiss you?" He suprises me by saying. I flick my eyes up to gaze at his and see nothing but understanding and reassurance and dare I say it- love. I nod softly and a moment later his neck is leant down and his soft lips are against my own. I whimper softly as he cups my cheek with one hand and my hip with the other. Normally I'm the one doing the holding (as I was the guy kissing the girl) but all I can think about is how soft his hand feels against my cheek and how right it feels. How it feels like an anchor grounding me.

I lick his bottom lip slightly and try to slip my tongue into his mouth. He gently bites  my tongue but doesn't let me in and I whine even more. As we pull back from each other he leans in and pecks my lips twice.

"That okay princess?" He murmurs.  
"I- yeah- am I a princess though?" I giggle.  
"You're my princess" he replies and kisses my cheek. "Go on in babe, you'll get cold" he whispers as I open the door and head in.  
"Text me- when you're home"  
"Course"

Josh leaves and I head inside. I go straight upstairs and change my pull up for a dry one, before getting into some joggers and a fluffy jumper.

"How was the date?" Louis asks from where he's laid over harry on the sofa. They're watching NCIS.

"Really- um- really good t'anks" I grin.  
"Did he keep it PG?" Harry raises an eye brow.  
"Yes. I'm not- I don't want that- not yet" I whisper, scratching a part of my burns on my thigh.  
"Stop it. You'll make them sore" Louis warns. I do atop but it doesn't help. I still know they're there.

"Lou? Can I talk to you- about um- like on our own?" I mumble.  
"I'll get us some drinks" Harry smiles at me and detangles louis legs from his own and goes to the kitchen.

"What's up?" Louis smiles and turns the TV down a little.  
"I like josh. Is that- um is it okay?" I frown.  
"Of course. You can't help who you like and even if I wasn't gay I wouldn't hate you if you are"  
"It feels right with him- like- more natural" I try to explain.  
"I get it- trust me I do" he smiles and glances towards the kithen where we cn hear harry humming away to himself.

"You really love him huh?" I ask softly.  
"I really do. He was my first for everything and I was his. Sure it wasn't perfect but it was easy. It wasn't about looking perfect at all times and only making sure the other person saw your good bits. It was messy and uncoordinated but funny. We laughed during our first time because neither of us knew what to do but it didn't matter. We were together and I knew- even in scary situations- he's got my back"

"That's how josh makes me feel- like it's not forced"  
"So what's the issue, you look hesitant" he mumbles and comes to sit next to me on the couch.  
"He knows- bout the bracelet and what- why I need it"

"He knows you wear pull ups?"  
"Yeah- his brother logan has one- he knew from day one and he still likes me" I whisper.  
"That's good! It shows he's not judging you- it's you he likes and this doesn't change that" Louis says confidently.

" 'Cept it does. What about when he wants sex? Or I want sex?" I snap. Why doesn't he get it?!  
"Then you have sex. As long as you both consent and stay safe- go for it" he says bluntly.

"And if I piss on him in the process?" I laugh despite the tears once again gathering in my eyes. I see his shoulders drop slightly and I know he understands now. He leans forwards and gives me a cuddle. A warm cuddle that makes me feel like everything will be okay, even though I know it won't.

"Don't think about that" Harry startles us both by saying "I know it's hard and it's on your mind right now- but - josh is a good guy. He knows about the accidents, he's seen the scars; he's seen you cry and he's stayed. He's in this for the long haul and I know you want to be too. Give him a chance to prove himself worthy and I promise you, you won't regret it. More importantly, give yourself a chance to be happy for once, Lord knows you deserve it."

"I'm scared I'll fuck it up" I whisper.  
"I know you are, but you'll figure it out, and you're not alone though any of this" harry smiles.  
"How do two guys even have sex?" I half ponder half laugh.  
"When you're ready, I'll tell you. I'll give you advice and explain what to do" Louis smiles at me. It's not an intimidating, I'm better than you, smiles. It's an 'I've got your back smile'.

"Do- do you think I'll ever be able to- um- you know? I'm assuming someone goes inside the other?" I blush.  
"Yeah. You have a bottom and a top. The bottom is penetrated by the tops penis" Harry says simply but not rudely.  
"So- um- up the- um- arse?" I stutter.  
"Yeah babe" Louis nods.

"Do you think- would i- could i- um- top josh?"  
"Well you'll have to talk to josh about it when you're ready. He might prefer being on top or being on the bottom. He might not have a preference so you can switch it up depending on how you're feeling at the time" Harry says patiently.

"Do you think- would I be able to- get- get it- in?" I whisper.  
"You'd have to be erect. No one can go in soft. You'd have to be hard enough to penetrate him, but you'd work on slowly opening him up- or he would to you- if he was going inside. But you'd have to be hard to go inside" Harry also blushes slightly now and I feel bad for making him uncomfortable.

"I- I can't get it up" I frown.  
"Well, maybe you didn't enjoy it or- you weren't ready? You might not have been in the mood- there's loads of reasons why it could have stayed soft" Louis reassures me.  
"I mean- since the fire- i- I can't feel it.  I don't have any feeling down there"


	10. Chapter 10

Louis pov

I'm stunned. When niall tells me he's lost feeling in that area. I'm thrown. I didn't expect that. I didn't prepare myself for the fact that could happen. Or has happened. I sit in silence because what do I say to that? I don't know how how to respond. I don't know how to fix this.

"Ho- um- has it been like that since the fire?" Harry stammers. It's very rare he is lost for words. It's even rarer that I am!  
"Yeah" niall shrugs like it's no big deal, but I can see it In his eyes, he's scared.

"Have you- told anyone? Like the doctor- or your physio?" Harry frowns.  
"No- s' not- a big deal" he mutters.  
"Of course it is. You're a young man who can't feel a part of his body. Especially considering it's the most important part, would you say the same if it was an arm or your hand?" He argues.

"No I- I guess not"  
"You need to tell them niall- they might be able to do something about it" he says a bit calmer.  
"Yeah- you should tell them" I pipe up quietly.  
"It's embarrassing as hell" he argues.  
"I'll go with you if you want? And louis. Or just louis if you'd prefer" Harry interjects.

"I- I have the doctors Saturday for a check up on my burns- I'll tell them then. Lou?" He whispers.  
"Yeah Ni?"  
"Will you- go with me?"  
"Course I will. You don't even have to ask"

 

The rest of the night is spent watching dvds to take our minds off things. We start off with Pacific Rim. Then Deadpool. Then niall begs me to let him watch The Newest Jungle Book.

"Niall you won't get up for school" I argue. It's 11pm now so if he stays up to watch that he won't go to bed till after 1pm. Then there's no way in hell he's getting out of bed at 7am.

"Please it's my favourite film ever!" He begs.  
"No, get ready for bed"  
"Please lou lou! Pretty please! Please with a cherry on the top- ple-"  
"No niall. Go to bed" I argue. I feel like a strict, grumpy parent.

"Let him watch it lou-"  
"Harry don't you start" I warn.  
"Yeah- harry start. Please- pretty please!" Niall goes back to begging.  
"What ever I'm off to bed. Harry, you can deal with him in the morning" I grumble and head upstairs.  
"Yes! Thanks louis - thanks harry" niall beams.

"Wait- there's a condition" I hear harry say as I'm halfway up the stairs. I stop and listen with curiosity.

"You can watch the film. But if you complain even once in the morning about getting up or being tired then you're in Bed at ten pm. Every night until you leave high school" he says firmly.

"Deal. Deal- deal Thanks hazza" niall smiles and settles himself on the couch under one of the spare duvets.

After that harry follows me upstairs and we say night to my mum before going to bed. We don't go straight to sleep. We make out for a while and cuddle whilst we talk bout our days and what we've been up to. I can hear that the films nearly finished, but I can also hear talking downstairs so I untangle from harry and head to the top of the stairs. Harry follows me and we both hover half way down the stairs and peer into the living room.

Niall is sat on the floor right in front of the tv with the duvet wrapped around him and is reciting the pack code word for word. It's adorable.

"-The strength of the pack is the Wolf and the strength of the Wolf is the pack" I hear the grin in his voice and harry pecks my head quietly, then tugs my arm and signals for us to leave him too it.

I hear niall come upstairs ten minuets later and flop into bed.

___

Niall pov

"Niall school" Harry says, waking me up from my slumber.  
"Why" I whine and snuggle further into my pillow.  
"Because we have to. And no complaining or you're in bed for 10 remember" I hear the shit eating grin in his voice and o grumble quietly to myself.

"Stupid rule and stupid school and stupid early mornings that are cold" I grumble as I get out of bed and turn to face harry.  
"Tired?" He grins.  
"M always tired" I half grin half yawn.  
"True. Come on- we leave in 30 minutes" he laughs and ruffles my hair.

It's weird my relationship with harry. He's like a big brother -even though he's dating my actual big brother. Like I said- weird. But he's lovely. 

He's always got my back. He's helpful and really supprtive of mine and louis relationship.  He's really helped me bond with louis i think. It's nice because he's really easy to talk to and get along with, it's nice having someone to talk to in that respect. Sort of like having an outsiders opinion with an insiders judgement.

I change into a dry pull up and pull some black jeans and a t shirt on before getting my Supras on and tucking in the laces.

I meet louis and harry downstairs for breakfast, I have toast, before once again leaving for school.

We have maths first (which is boring!) Then art. Which is funny as harry and louis keep flicking paint at each other when the teacher isn't looking. She does know though because when she turns around, they're both splashed with yellow and red paint (with the whole class laughing) she just sighs and continues with the lesson.

We then have dance. Which is... interesting. It's gender separate classes, the girls are next door. All the boys are sat on one side grumbling and avoiding eye contact with everyone. Baring harry who is apparently a ballerina in the middle of the floor. Liam, being the goody two shoes he is, is stood up waiting further instruction. Louis is sat with the other lads and josh who grins at me when I enter the room. I smile back and make my way over to him.

"We have to get changed and then do a warm up" josh grumbles.  
"Changed into what?" I whisper, fear sinking in that I'll have to wear shorts again and everyone will see my leg. Or worse, my pull up, as I didn't anticipate getting changed, I'm wearing briefs and you can see it.

"Shorts" josh sighs.

My stomache drops. My heart is in my mouth and I feel as though I'm going to vomit everywhere.

"Miss?" I hear louis say then stand up to talk to her.  
I'm frozen as I witness louis talking to the teacher. I can't hear what they're saying but I can see him getting frustrated.

"Whys it mandatory to wear shorts. You just wanna perv on our legs and arses" Louis snaps.  
"Louis, it's the required uniform. It's the same as the gym one so I'm not seeing the problem"

"Maybe some of us are self concious and don't want to wear shorts" josh adds.  
"Yeah, it's not just girls who are self concious or embarrassed by themselves" another boy adds.  
"Dance is stupid anyway" someone else grumbles.

"Calm down all of you. Louis stop mixing things" the teacher scolds.  
"Let my brother not have to wear the uniform and I will" he challenges with a pointed look and his arms folded.

"I can't give special treatment" she objects.  
"You can be sympathetic for what he's been through" he snaps.  
"Louis I won't be spoken to like that. Sit down or you'll have detention"

" 'S fine lou" I half smile and stand up slowly. I stretch my leg our and make my way over to the door grabbing my bag on the way.  
"Where are you going?" The teacher asks abruptly.  
"M not stayin' 'ere. Not with a teacher who's tryna make me wear somat I'm not comfortable with" I say bluntly.  
"Niall it's the uniform-"

"-cool. And until it changes, I'm not comin' back to this lesson" I say firmly before walking out.

The teacher follows me and tells me I have detention. I laugh and turn around but continue walking away from her.

"Awe, want me to wear my tight little shorts for you?" I grin the trunk back round and keep walking. Ibe have enough of people trying to embarrass me or humiliate me for my scars. It ends now.

I get halfway down the corridor when someone shouts my name. I grumble and turn to see who it is.

"Oh, whacha doing lou? Josh?" I frown.  
"Like hell my little bro is getting in trouble alone" he grins.  
"Or my boyfriend" josh adds.

"Thanks guys" I smile and meet louis eyes, then josh's, so they know I'm sincere.

"Like I said, you're a Tomlinson. They have a problem with us-"

"We show them what a problem looks like" I grin.


End file.
